Attachment Theory

As parents and parents-to-be, we spend a lot of time reading and researching various theories of parenting, trying to discover what is best for baby, and what will work for our families.

All the reading in the world can’t truly prepare us for the almost unbearable intensity of emotion that comes with hearing that first cry, holding an infant for the first time, or any other of the many “firsts” associated with parenthood.

While you have had many relationships prior to meeting your infant, your relationship with him is his first, and most important, so it is essential that your bond be one of secure attachment.

Simply put, attachment is an emotional bond between people. John Bowlby, a psychologist who was the first attachment theorist, described attachment as a “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings."

Bowlby theorized that the earliest bonds formed by children with their caregivers have a tremendous impact that continues throughout life. According to Bowlby, attachment keeps the infant close to the mother, therefore improving the child’s chances of survival.

Attachment theory’s central tenant is that mothers who are responsive to and available for their infant’s needs establish in their infant as sense of security. Since the infant knows his caregiver is dependable, the infant has a secure “home base” from which to explore his environment.

When the caregiver of a securely attached child leaves, the child feels secure and is assured that the caregiver will return. When children who are securely attached are frightened, they seek comfort from their caregivers.

One need not be a psychologist to determine that the more attached a child is, the more emotionally healthy he will be. The attached child will grow up to have stronger relationships and higher self esteem than will the less attached child.

Obviously, these categories of attachment are not one size fits all. Even the most “attached” child will sometimes be anxious when his caregiver leaves, and ambivalent and avoidant attachment is not very common. What can parents do, then, to foster attached children?

Pediatrician William Sears is an advocate of attachment parenting and its benefits for parents and children. He reminds us that attachment parenting is an approach rather than a set of rules, and offers many attachment parenting techniques that are simple and beneficial for children.

Dr. Sears recommends “Seven Bs” to help parents get started with attachment parenting: “birth bonding, breastfeeding, babywearing [in a sling or infant carrier], bedding close to baby, belief in the language value of your baby’s cries, beware of baby trainers, and balance [between the needs of your baby and you].”

These tactics are not an all-or-nothing proposal, and parents can adjust these tactics to fit their family situation and any special medical needs of their baby. The goal here is to be sensitive to your baby’s needs, and more responsive to his needs, allowing you to have a closer, more attached relationship.

It takes time to become attached to your infant – after all, you’ve just met – but as you engage in techniques that foster physical and emotional closeness to your baby, you’ll learn to anticipate his needs and to respond to them quickly, making your child secure in the knowledge that he can rely on you for comfort and security.

For more information on John Bowlby and the theories of attachment and loss please visit the Child Attachment Research section at ChildDevelopmentMedia.com